never ending math equation

can I get out of my own way

It has been way too long since I last sat down to write. Most of my journaling these days is frantic scratching at a CPT worksheet for my trauma group, or mostly vague instagram posts in an attempt to keep myself relevant and worthy of the almighty algorithm. But I do have a lot to say. I spent the end of the year in the heat of the first holiday season as an artist trying to start a business, attempting public school for my son, and helping out where I could with family. I ended up sick, on IVs, and on the edge of burnout. I knew it would happen, as it always does, despite new medication, because the second I push myself even a bit too hard my body protests. It's almost like it was reminding me not to get too cocky. But I made it through my first year, all the wiser, and actually made enough to cover my bigger start up expenses. For someone who hasn't worked in years, that felt like a pretty big achievement. So I let myself rest, enjoyed the holidays at home with my lil family, and a bit of optimism (and fear!) about the next year.

This year is a big one for me. I am working through a lot of personal stuff that I had not addressed. I am homeschooling my son and attempting to build a community for him to have some social interaction with kids his own age. I am planning more individual and family time for us to create memories. I am pushing myself forward in my art, to not only apply for new projects and experiences, but to find my artistic voice. I feel confident that I can make a good effort at all of it, as long as my body, and mind, cooperate. If I can get over this feeling that I'm setting myself up for failure, I might actually be able to succeed.

I got some really great news on that front, and I have waited a bit to tell everyone, but I just can't keep it in any longer! I had submitted a proposal to my tribe last fall for a really big art project involving medicinal plants, that I was sure I wouldn't get.... BUT I DID! I get to create a series of three images of medicinal plants in gold ink for our new South Bend Four Winds Casino. I am so grateful for this opportunity to further my art and business, and to be so involved with my tribe. As someone who is learning about my culture and heritage in adulthood, it is a huge honor and privilege to be accepted and encouraged as a tribal artist.

Below you will see my rough sketches that I submitted with my proposal. The images are of cedar, goldenrod, and milkweed. The triptych series will be printed in gold, on white paper. Each block once carved will be 16"x24", with the total footprint of all three prints being 2' x4'. I believe they will be hung sometime next fall, and I will share the display info once I get it. Send all your healthy vibes as I go into this project, and follow my progress on, where I update slightly more frequently than the blog. Thank you to everyone who helped me get here. I am finally going to do the things! (fueled by coffee and a dash of rebellion, mkg)